1. On dressing one's age:
I am fifty fucking two, and I will rock this dress!
2. On personal goals:
I have to start writing things down. I also have to start drinking heavily.
3. On self-preservation and gossip:
Sweetheart, you can't go listening to every fucking little voice that runs through your head. You'll go nuts!
4. On difficult people:
His problem is he's an asshole!
5. On mens:
They are two types of men in the world the one that wants to fuck you and the one that wants to hold your hand..
6. Decide on what to wear for a date:
Hi, I need something that'll make a guy cum in his pants as soon as he sees me!
7. On faithfulness:
Men cheat the same reason dogs lick their balls, because they can!
8. On repeating and learning from past mistakes:
Fuck me badly once shame on you. Fuck me badly twice shame on me!
9. On men's grooming:
Could you shave or something? Blowing you is like getting my teeth flossed!
10. On independence:
I love you but I love me more..
11. On Money, power and money:
Money is power. Sex is power. Therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.
12. On blow job:
You men have no idea what we’re dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothing.
13. On aging:
"I found a grey hair… Down there. What am I gonna do? No man wants to fuck grandma's pussy!"
14. On LGBT RIGHTS:
Gay men understand what's important. Clothes, compliments and cocks!
15. On settling down:
If you turn into one of those married asshole I'll kill you..